Polish Divorce:

A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so; and, although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. Until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick." The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"

POLE: "JA, JA, an acre and half and a nice little home with 3 bedrooms."

LAWYER: "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

POLE: "It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar," he responded.

LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"

POLE: "No," he replied, "we have a two-car carport, and have never really needed one."

LAWYER: "I mean, What are your relations like?"

POLE: "All my relations are in Poland ."

LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

POLE: "Yes, we have hi fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."

LAWYER: "No, I mean Does your wife beat you up?"

POLE: "NO, I'm always up before her."

LAWYER: "Is your wife a nagger?"

POLE: "NO, she white."

LAWYER: "WHY do you want this divorce?"

POLE: "She going to kill me."

LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"

POLE: "I got proof."

LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"

POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at the drug store and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read -- it says, 'Polish Remover.' "