Showing posts with label old people jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label old people jokes. Show all posts
Monday, May 27, 2013
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Missing Cigar
A man walks into a dimly lit bar and the bartender asks him "Why is the front of your shirt all bloody"
His customer answers in a slurred voice "My wife caught me with another woman and cut off my penis."
"Oh come on" replies the bartender.
The customer then says "If you don't believe me, I'll show you."
He proceeds to rifle through his suitcase and pulls out this long thin thing and lays it on the bar.
The bartender bends down and looks closely and says "Why this is just a cigar".
The customer looks puzzled and says "I have it here somewhere" and proceeds to fumble through his other pockets and comes up with another long thin thing and placing it on the bar, and says " See that".
The bartender again inspects it closely and says "You asshole that's just another cigar."
Now the customer staggers backward and steadies himself , leaning on the bar and with awareness in his shaky voice says "Son of a bitch, I must have smoked it!"
His customer answers in a slurred voice "My wife caught me with another woman and cut off my penis."
"Oh come on" replies the bartender.
The customer then says "If you don't believe me, I'll show you."
He proceeds to rifle through his suitcase and pulls out this long thin thing and lays it on the bar.
The bartender bends down and looks closely and says "Why this is just a cigar".
The customer looks puzzled and says "I have it here somewhere" and proceeds to fumble through his other pockets and comes up with another long thin thing and placing it on the bar, and says " See that".
The bartender again inspects it closely and says "You asshole that's just another cigar."
Now the customer staggers backward and steadies himself , leaning on the bar and with awareness in his shaky voice says "Son of a bitch, I must have smoked it!"
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Aging is a B*tch..
Dr. Jones goes to the retirement home for his monthly rounds. He sees Joe and asks him, "Joe, how much is three times three?"
Joe responds "59."
He goes over to Tom and asks, "Tom, how much is three times three?"
Tom responds, "Wednesday."
He finally goes over to John and asks, "John, how much is three times three?"
"NINE" replies John.
"That’s right ...now how did you come to that answer?"
"It was easy...I just subtracted 59 from Wednesday!"
Joe responds "59."
He goes over to Tom and asks, "Tom, how much is three times three?"
Tom responds, "Wednesday."
He finally goes over to John and asks, "John, how much is three times three?"
"NINE" replies John.
"That’s right ...now how did you come to that answer?"
"It was easy...I just subtracted 59 from Wednesday!"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)