Imprisonment!!

A mother writes a letter to her sun, who is in a prison. - Dear sun, life's so hard for me since they took you to a prison: nobody digs a vegetable garden, nobody plants potatos... The sun writes back to her mother: - Mom, please stay away from the garden. If you start digging it, the police may come and both take you to a prison and prolong mine imprisonment.. Mother writes back to her sun: - Darling, together with your last letter police came. They digged all over the garden, but haven't found anything. The left being extremely frustrated. Sun writes his mom: - I helped as much, as I could with this. Please plant the potatos by yourself.

Short Crazy Corny Jokes! - Part 2

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!" *Nobody stands up* Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!" *Little Johnny stands up* Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?" Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

Cop: "Did you kill this man?" Me: "No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed."

Something To Do When You're Bored: 1. Catch a fly. 2. Put it in the freezer. 3. Wait 10 minutes. 4. Take out the fly, it will be unconcious, not dead. 5. Pull out a strand of hair or a thin piece of string. 6. Tie it around the fly. 7. Wait till it wakes up. BAM! Your very own pet fly

Boy: ( calls 911 ) hello 911 i need your help! 911: alright what is it? Boy: 2 girls are fighting over me! 911: -.- so whats the problem about that? Boy: the ugly one is winning.

*Hott Girl's Facebook Status* "Bored" -86 Likes -54 Comments *My status* "Just got accepted into Harvard!" -0 Likes -1 Comment from Mom:"...Nerd"

Dad: Why are your eyes so red? Son: I was smoking marijuana Dad: Don't lie to me, you were crying because you're a faggot...

When people go underwater in scary movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation. I almost died in Finding Nemo.

Medicare...

A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare."

A Bitter/Sweet Request...

There were three guys that won a contest. They would get to spend a year in a room with anything they chose. The first guy loves to have sex. So they put him in a room for a year with over 200 girls to have sex with for a year. The second guy loved to get drunk. So they put him in a room with every beer there ever was to drink for a year. The third guy loved to smoke. So they put him in a room with every kind of cigarette there was to smoke. Two hours later they hear the guy that loved to smoke banging on the door but they say fuck him, he's in there for a year. A year later they let them out. They first guy came out and he could barely walk, after how many times he had sex. The second guy came out and couldn't walk because he was so drunk. The third guy came out crying. They asked him why he was banging on the door and why he was crying. He said, " I forgot my lighter!"

Missing Cigar

A man walks into a dimly lit bar and the bartender asks him "Why is the front of your shirt all bloody"

His customer answers in a slurred voice "My wife caught me with another woman and cut off my penis."

"Oh come on" replies the bartender.

The customer then says "If you don't believe me, I'll show you."

He proceeds to rifle through his suitcase and pulls out this long thin thing and lays it on the bar.

The bartender bends down and looks closely and says "Why this is just a cigar".

The customer looks puzzled and says "I have it here somewhere" and proceeds to fumble through his other pockets and comes up with another long thin thing and placing it on the bar, and says " See that".

The bartender again inspects it closely and says "You asshole that's just another cigar."

Now the customer staggers backward and steadies himself , leaning on the bar and with awareness in his shaky voice says "Son of a bitch, I must have smoked it!"

Aging is a B*tch..

Dr. Jones goes to the retirement home for his monthly rounds. He sees Joe and asks him, "Joe, how much is three times three?"

Joe responds "59."

He goes over to Tom and asks, "Tom, how much is three times three?"

Tom responds, "Wednesday."

He finally goes over to John and asks, "John, how much is three times three?"

"NINE" replies John.

"That’s right ...now how did you come to that answer?"

"It was easy...I just subtracted 59 from Wednesday!"