Top 10 Dirty Jokes "Part 2"

Vaginas are like weather,
when it's wet, it's time to go inside...

Why do people say 'Grow some balls?' Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.

Girl: Babe I just gotta a tattoo of a sea shell on my thigh can you hear the ocean?
*Pulls his head to her thigh*
Guy: Nope, But I sure can smell the fish.

My girlfriends dad asked me what I do.
Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.

Boy: My magic watch says that you don't have any underwear on.
Girl: Well its wrong...
Boy: Guess my watch is 15 minutes fast

A Boyfriend texts his Girlfriend saying "Hey babe you wanna come over and have sex?"
Girlfriend texts back "Duh!"
So the girl goes over her Boyfriends house, and right before they get into it, he sets the boundaries. "Ok, so my little brother is home, and I have bunk beds. He's on the bottom bunk. If you want it harder, you say tomato. If you want it faster, you say lettuce, and if you want to moan you say any other ingredients that would be on a sandwich."
So they're up on the top bunk having sex, and she's yelling "Tomato! Tomato! Lettuce! Lettuce! Cheese! Cheese!"
Well the little brother is still on the bottom bunk and yells "Hey can you guys knock it off, your getting Mayonnaise all over me!!!"

My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. So I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men."

A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The man realizes that he can't find the rake. He yells up to his wife, "Where is the rake?"
She can't hear him and shouts back, "What?"
The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion. The wife is not sure and says, "What?" The man repeats his gestures, mouthing "EYE KNEE - THE RAKE."
The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her butt, and finally to her crotch. Well, there is no way in hell the man can even come close on that one.
Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her, "What in the heck was that?"
She replies, "EYE - LEFT TIT - BEHIND - THE BUSH"

A guy goes to the store to buy condoms.
"Do you want a bag?", the cashier asks.
"No", the guy says, "She's not that ugly."

Boy: What's it called when 3 people have sex?
Girl: A threesome
Boy: What's it called when two people have sex?
Girl: A twosome
Boy: Now you know why they call me handsome (;


For more jokes check out Top 10 Dirty Jokes "Part 1"

Short Crazy Corny Jokes! - Part 2

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!" *Nobody stands up* Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!" *Little Johnny stands up* Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?" Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

Cop: "Did you kill this man?" Me: "No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed."

Something To Do When You're Bored: 1. Catch a fly. 2. Put it in the freezer. 3. Wait 10 minutes. 4. Take out the fly, it will be unconcious, not dead. 5. Pull out a strand of hair or a thin piece of string. 6. Tie it around the fly. 7. Wait till it wakes up. BAM! Your very own pet fly

Boy: ( calls 911 ) hello 911 i need your help! 911: alright what is it? Boy: 2 girls are fighting over me! 911: -.- so whats the problem about that? Boy: the ugly one is winning.

*Hott Girl's Facebook Status* "Bored" -86 Likes -54 Comments *My status* "Just got accepted into Harvard!" -0 Likes -1 Comment from Mom:"...Nerd"

Dad: Why are your eyes so red? Son: I was smoking marijuana Dad: Don't lie to me, you were crying because you're a faggot...

When people go underwater in scary movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation. I almost died in Finding Nemo.

A Bitter/Sweet Request...

There were three guys that won a contest. They would get to spend a year in a room with anything they chose. The first guy loves to have sex. So they put him in a room for a year with over 200 girls to have sex with for a year. The second guy loved to get drunk. So they put him in a room with every beer there ever was to drink for a year. The third guy loved to smoke. So they put him in a room with every kind of cigarette there was to smoke. Two hours later they hear the guy that loved to smoke banging on the door but they say fuck him, he's in there for a year. A year later they let them out. They first guy came out and he could barely walk, after how many times he had sex. The second guy came out and couldn't walk because he was so drunk. The third guy came out crying. They asked him why he was banging on the door and why he was crying. He said, " I forgot my lighter!"

Free Drinks If You Can Make That Horse Laugh?!

One day a guy walks into a bar. The bartender says "if you can make that horse over there laugh you can have free drinks for the rest of the night".

So he says "ok" and walks over to the horse and whispers something in his ear and he starts laughing and the bartender gives him free drinks for the rest of the night.

The next night the same guy comes back in and the bartender says "if you can make that horse over there cry i will give you free drinks for the rest of the night.

So he walks over there and does something and the horse starts crying, and the bartender gives him free drinks. Then the bartender asks what the man did to make the horse laugh and what he did to make him cry.

The man says "To make him laugh I told him I had a bigger dick than he does and to make him cry I showed him".

Dirty Hands..

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"Getting it Straight.." Booze and Cops.

A cop pulls over a drunk driver.

The drunk driver says, "Ossssifer, you need to get your records straight. You just asked me for my license, but you took it away yesterday!"