Short Crazy Hilarious Jokes for Twitter, MySpace, Linkedin and Facebook! (Enjoy!)

Something To Do When You're Bored:
1. Catch a fly.
2. Put it in the freezer.
3. Wait 10 minutes.
4. Take out the fly, it will be unconcious, not dead.
5. Pull out a strand of hair or a thin piece of string.
6. Tie it around the fly.
7. Wait till it wakes up.
BAM! Your very own pet fly

My 6 year old son was watching spongebob when he turned around and said "Daddy, I know why squidward wears no pants! It's because his winky is on his face.

Boy: ( calls 911 ) hello 911 i need your help!
911: alright what is it?
Boy: 2 girls are fighting over me!
911: -.- so whats the problem about that?
Boy: the ugly one is winning.

Boy- The principle is so dumb
Girl- do you know who i am?
Boy- no
Girl- i am the principles daughter
Boy- do you know who i am?
Girl- no
Boy- good (walks away)

Say, "Do I smell popcorn?" right after you fart. So everybody takes a big whiff.

*Hott Girl's Facebook Status*
"Bored" -86 Likes -54 Comments

*My status*
"Just got accepted into Harvard!" -0 Likes -1 Comment from Mom:"...Nerd"

3 years old: My mom is the best!
7 years old: Mom I love you!
10 years old: Mom what ever!
17 years old: OMG my mom is so annoying!
25 years old: I wanna go back home!
35 years old: Mom you were right
50 years old: I dont wanna lose my mom!
70 years old: I would give everything to have my mom with me!

When people go underwater in scary movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation.
I almost died in Finding Nemo.

Dad: Why are your eyes so red?
Son: I was smoking marijuana
Dad: Don't lie to me, you were crying because you're a faggot

Everyones keeps teasing me about being so damn lazy. I just can't do this anymore. I think I'm just going to kill myself.
But the gun is like... way over there.

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Short Crazy Corny Jokes! - Part 2

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!" *Nobody stands up* Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!" *Little Johnny stands up* Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?" Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

Cop: "Did you kill this man?" Me: "No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed."

Something To Do When You're Bored: 1. Catch a fly. 2. Put it in the freezer. 3. Wait 10 minutes. 4. Take out the fly, it will be unconcious, not dead. 5. Pull out a strand of hair or a thin piece of string. 6. Tie it around the fly. 7. Wait till it wakes up. BAM! Your very own pet fly

Boy: ( calls 911 ) hello 911 i need your help! 911: alright what is it? Boy: 2 girls are fighting over me! 911: -.- so whats the problem about that? Boy: the ugly one is winning.

*Hott Girl's Facebook Status* "Bored" -86 Likes -54 Comments *My status* "Just got accepted into Harvard!" -0 Likes -1 Comment from Mom:"...Nerd"

Dad: Why are your eyes so red? Son: I was smoking marijuana Dad: Don't lie to me, you were crying because you're a faggot...

When people go underwater in scary movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation. I almost died in Finding Nemo.

Short Crazy Corny Jokes!

A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.

Yo Momma So Fat The Only Letters She Knows In The Alphabet Are K.F.C

Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.

Failed my biology test today, when they asked, "What is commonly found in cells?"
Apparently "black people" wasn't the correct answer.

What did the blonde say when she found out that she was pregnant?
I hope it's not mine.

Baby, baby, baby ooh!
Mom: *walks in* Are you listening to Justin Bieber?
Daughter: No, I'm watching porn.
Mom: Oh, thank goodness.

I was just told that my dog chased someone on a bicycle and bit him.
That's bullshit, my dog can't even ride a bicycle.

What do you call 32 hillbillies standing in line?
A full set of teeth!

My girlfriend came out of the shower and said, "I shaved my pussy you know what that means?"
I said, "Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again."

Son: Dad do you remember your first blowjob?
Dad: Ohhh yeah I do!
Son: How did it taste?
Dad: Get out.

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Short Crazy Corny Jokes Part 2                                                  only to be availible in 2015!
Short Hilarious Jokes For Twitter and Facebook                         MAARXX Aspire
Chuck Norris... Say No More!!
Top 10 Dirty Jokes
Yo Mamma...

Yo Mamma's So Big ..!:

- Yo mamma's so big, her belly button's got an echo.
- Yo mamma's so big, she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.
- Yo mamma's so big, she rollerskates on busses.
- Yo mamma's so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.
- Yo mamma's so big, she uses a jungle gym for a walker.
- Yo mamma's so big, she uses bowling balls for earrings.
- Yo mamma's so big, she uses the interstate for a Slip 'n Slide.
- Yo mamma's so big, she whistles bass.
- Yo mamma's so big, that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step.
- Yo mamma's so big, that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most."