Imagine Screwing a Neanderthal... Yeap...

According to archaeologists, for millions of years Neanderthal man was not fully erect. That's pretty easy to understand considering how ugly Neanderthal woman were.

LMFAO!!!....

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Oakland to Kansas City. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes? The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant. So, the little boy asked the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The flight attendant asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?" He said that she had. With a clever grin, she said, "Tell your mother it's because Southwest Airlines always pulls out on time."

A Bitter/Sweet Request...

There were three guys that won a contest. They would get to spend a year in a room with anything they chose. The first guy loves to have sex. So they put him in a room for a year with over 200 girls to have sex with for a year. The second guy loved to get drunk. So they put him in a room with every beer there ever was to drink for a year. The third guy loved to smoke. So they put him in a room with every kind of cigarette there was to smoke. Two hours later they hear the guy that loved to smoke banging on the door but they say fuck him, he's in there for a year. A year later they let them out. They first guy came out and he could barely walk, after how many times he had sex. The second guy came out and couldn't walk because he was so drunk. The third guy came out crying. They asked him why he was banging on the door and why he was crying. He said, " I forgot my lighter!"

60 Minutes of GREAT Sex!

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea - why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it - she'll probably be thrilled." So the fellow did. The next day his buddy said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?" "Yes, I did," said the fellow. "Did she like it?" His buddy asked. "Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!!"

When The Cats Away...

A salesman knocks at the door of a home and it's answered by a 12yr old boy with a cigar in one hand and a half empty bottle of scotch in the other. The salesman asks the boy, "Excuse me son but is your mom or dad in?" To which the boy replies, "Does it fucking look like it?"

Bar Joke of the year: Busted!

An Old man got really drunk one night in his local pub. The barman refused to serve him any more alcohol and told him he should be heading home. The man thought this was a good idea so he stood up to leave but fell over straight away. He tried to stand up again but only fell over again. He thought if only he could get outside and get some fresh air he'd be grand. So he crawled outside then tried to stand up and fell over again. In the end after falling over lots more he decided to crawl home. When he got back to his house he pulled himself up using the door handle but as soon as he let go he fell over again. He had to crawl up the stairs and managed to fall over onto the bed and fell asleep. When he finally woke up the next morning his wife asked him what he was doing at the pub last night. He denied it but she said, "I know you were there..." he maintained his innocence until "...the barman rang to say you forgot your wheelchair again...."

Why tell the truth?!

The judge warned the witness, “Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?” “I do.”
“Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?”
“Sure,” said the witness. “My side will win.”

Garden of Edenvail.

Adam & Eve are trapping around the Garden of Eden kaalgat. Eve checks this lekker apple and she skiems nooit hey, I'm gonna graze it.

Just then a moerse voice from above charfs her. Leave the apple, or I will send an unimaginable plague upon the earth." She kaks herself half Stukkend and loses the apple.

A bit later Adam is trapping along when he gooi's a sharp right and finds this apple. "Bliksem" he skiems. Ah'm gonna chow this thing.

Just then A moerse voice from above chirps him. Leave the apple, or I will send an unimaginable plague upon the Earth, " … Ag nooit hey" he rekons,

"I'm stukkend hungry" and he grazes it. That night he and Eve are in bed, when he hears a knock at the door. He pluks open the front door to hear:

"Eh, sorry baaas, Em looking for a job......" and so the plague began.

Genie in SA

3 men, an Irish farmer, Julius Malema and a Boertjie are all granted a wish by a Genie.
Irish farmer wishes that all the land in Ireland will be the most fertile in the world, forever and ever.
POOF, this was done in a flash and the Irish Farmer was very satisfied.
Malema was next and very amazed and impressed at this display of power.
He started his wish: "I want all the whites to be removed from Africa and a wall must be built around all of my black brothers and sisters to protect them. This wall must be so high and so strong that no whites can come into our land at all.
POOF, this was done in a flash. A great wall surrounded Africa . Julius Malema glowed and glared at the Boertjie triumphantly.
Boertjie said: "Before I make my wish, tell me more about this wall"
Genie: "It's 5,000ft high, 5,000 bricks thick, nothing gets in, nothing gets out, guaranteed"
Boertjie lights up his pipe, smiled and said "Maak hom vol water Boet!"

Smell can tell you a lot!

A blind man went to a restaurant. "Menu sir?" Asked the owner. "I'm blind. Just bring me one of your dirty forks.. I will smell it & order." The confused owner got a fork. The blind man smelt the fork with a deep breath. "Yes, I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables.” ”Unbelievable!“ thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. 2 weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to see how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking. He said, "Do me a favor and rub this fork over your privates!!", which she does! He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it, puts it to his nose and says, "Oh interesting..!!! I never knew Brenda worked here!!