Medicare...

A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare."

60 Minutes of GREAT Sex!

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea - why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it - she'll probably be thrilled." So the fellow did. The next day his buddy said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?" "Yes, I did," said the fellow. "Did she like it?" His buddy asked. "Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!!"

Why tell the truth?!

The judge warned the witness, “Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?” “I do.”
“Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?”
“Sure,” said the witness. “My side will win.”

Riddles

Q- What is the difference between a Drug Dealer and a Hooker?
A- A Hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q- What's a mixed feeling?
A- When you see your Mother-In-Law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q- What's the definition of 'Macho'?
A- Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q- What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A- A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Q- Why is divorce so expensive?
A- Because it's worth it!

Q- What is a Yankee?
A- The same as a quickie, but a Guy can do it alone.

Q- What do Tupperware and a Walrus have in common?
A- They both like a tight seal.

Q- What do a Christmas tree and a Priest have in common?
A- Their balls are just for decoration.

Q- What is the difference between 'ooooooh'and 'aaaaaaah'?
A- About three inches.

Q- What's the difference between purple and pink?
A- The grip.

Q- How do you find a Blind Man in a nudist colony?
A- It's not hard.

Q- What's the difference between a Girlfriend and a Wife?
A- 45 pounds.

Q- What's the difference between a Boyfriend and a Husband?
A- 45 minutes.

Q- Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A- Breasts don't have eyes.

Q- What is the difference between medium and rare?
A- Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Q- Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A- They don't have balls to scratch!