When The Cats Away...

A salesman knocks at the door of a home and it's answered by a 12yr old boy with a cigar in one hand and a half empty bottle of scotch in the other. The salesman asks the boy, "Excuse me son but is your mom or dad in?" To which the boy replies, "Does it fucking look like it?"

Animals and Drugs..

A rabbit was hopping through the forest when he came upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit said, “Giraffe, don’t do drugs, Come, run with me through the forest. “The giraffe looked at the rabbit, then at the joint. He dropped the joint and ran off with the rabbit. They came upon an elephant snorting cocaine. The rabbit said: "Elephant don't do drugs. Come, run with us through the forest. "The elephant looked at his razor blade and mirror, tossed them away and began running with the rabbit and giraffe. They came across a lion about to shoot up. The rabbit said the same. The lion put down the needle and started to beat the living daylights out of the rabbit. Horrified, the giraffe and elephant asked, "Lion, why are you doing this? He was only trying to help you. The lion answered, “This little fucker? He makes me run around the forest like a fucking idiot every time he's on ecstasy...