Baby Bear, sitting in his little chair at the table, looks at his little porridge bowl.
"Who ate my porridge?" he sobs.
Pappa Bear looks at his big porridge bowl.
"Who on earth ate my porridge?" he demands angrily.
Mama Bear sticks her head through the kitchen door and shouts,
"I haven't made the porridge yet…
BECAUSE THE POWER IS OUT!"
In Japan they invented a machine that catches thieves. They took it out to different countries for a test.
U.S.A: in 30 minutes, it caught 20 thieves;
UK: in 30 minutes it caught 30 thieves;
Spain: in 20 minutes it caught 25 thieves;
Uganda: in 10 minutes it caught 80 thieves;
Nigeria: in 7 minutes it caught 200 thieves,
South Africa: in 5 minutes the machine was stolen, while the engineers operating the machine were kidnapped!
A blonde walks into a bank in Johannesburg and asks for the loans dept. She says she's going to Europe on business for three weeks and needs to borrow R10,000…
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the papers and everything checks out.
The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank manager and its staff all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a R500,000 Rolls as collateral against a R10,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the R10,000 and the interest, which comes to R141.66.
The bank manager says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow R10,000?"
The blond replies … "Where else in Johannesburg can I park my car for two weeks for only R141.66 and expect it to be there when I return?"
An American doctor says: "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in 6 weeks."
A British doctor says: "That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in 4 weeks."
A Canadian doctor says: "In my country, medicine is so
advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in
another, and have them both looking for work in 2 weeks."
A South African doctor, not to be outdone, says: "Eish, you guys are way behind…… We took a man with NO brain, made him President, and now the whole country is looking for work.
A Zimbabwean, a Nigerian and a South African are sitting in a bar in Beria.
The Zimbabwean finishes his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces.
In Zimbabwe," he says, "we have so many glasses that we don't have to drink with the same one twice."
The Nigerian, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces.
"In Nigeria," he says, "we have so much stolen money that we don't have to drink with the same one twice either."
The South African, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out his .45, and shoots the Zimbabwean and the Nigerian. Catching his glass, setting it on the bar and calling for a refill, he says,
"In South Africa we have so many illegal aliens that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
